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In the beginning I started writing out of curiosity; then, it evolved to a kind of therapy and ended up becoming a real mental exercise. I used to write on a daily basis, there were days in which I even did it twice. Any thing that happened around me was susceptible of being the subject in one of my posts.

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I no longer follow the same ritual when I write. I donrsquo;t sit far back on my chair and eat circus peanuts.�I donrsquo;t stare at the ceiling hoping for the words to fall from abovehellip; and I donrsquo;t turn off all the lights until I find myself immersed in darkness, facing my computer screen.

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Now, I find my self pressing the DELETE key for several seconds until my word document becomes white.�Waiting until I can grab the first idea, trying to remember what the fuck I did yesterday, while I am mentally solving some sentimental logarithms.

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I realized that I need to become insensible. So I came up with some rules to follow:

- Donrsquo;t offer your opinion and you will not be mistaken.

- Donrsquo;t trace yourself any goals and you will never meet failure.

- Donrsquo;t get in a relationship and you will never be abandoned.

- Donrsquo;t love anyone and you wonrsquo;t have to cry for them.

- Donrsquo;t listen to anyonersquo;s opinion and you will avoid confrontation.

- Donrsquo;t start anything, and you will avoid the anxiety of having to finish it.

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Unfortunately I have not managed to follow any of these directives. In fact, trying to put them in practice has only magnified my feelings. �

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Should I consider retirement?

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