Recently (and by recently, I mean in the last 20 or 30 years), American views on children have shifted away from the traditional views of child rearing.� How many of you were ever told as children to "go outside and play"?� I was, but so many people I know were not.� They were taken to sport number one on Monday, music lessons on Tuesday, church on Wednesday, sport number two on Thursday, etc, and
everyone is above average.� Itapos;s in school, itapos;s in team sports, parents coo over kids from the day theyapos;re born... And then they hit the real world with no idea of what to do, where to go, or who they are.
Surprise� Youapos;re average.
And donapos;t we all hate to hear that?� I, for one, donapos;t believe it.� Iapos;m a god among men and nobody can convince me otherwise.� Daddy never told me that, but I know it anyway.� So naturally, anything I write here doesnapos;t apply to me... Just you mortals.
Look at college admittance, for example.� The process starts in highschool, no, elementary school (if not kindergarten).� Nobody fails, nobody is substandard, and
nobody is wrong - only different and special in their own ways.� We hit highschool and teachers fall over themselves to help students make it through their classes.� This may be a function of their desires to help, or it may be because of how badly they are frowned upon when someone fails.� Obviously it canapos;t be a problem with the student - the teacher simply failed to help them.� Lovely.� But every child is special� Reassure them, pat them on the back (or slap them on the butt if youapos;re an overzealous coach) and send them on their way blaming someone else.
Hooray
And then thereapos;s college.� As much as student culture drives me utterly insane, I really do enjoy being around everyone who is so fantastically above average.� Like the two guys (and one girl, to be politically correct) who sit behind me in my business marketing class.� They are so far above the cut they donapos;t need to argue with the teacher.� But not only do they need not to argue, they donapos;t need to actively discuss anything with her, either; sitting back and making fun of her is more than sufficient.� I have to say, their parents were right - they
are "special."
And what do people like these guys do in their free time?� I donapos;t know them personally, but I would be willing to bet that neither of them go out and do anything alone.� To further that, I would also wager that they need groups of friends (or at least a significant other) to make any real decisions more difficult than what to have for dinner.� Although what to have for dinner can be a more problematic question, at times, than, say, whether or not to quite your job or if robbing the bank down the street would be a good idea.� Or at least thatapos;s what I have heard is the case for mortals...
Isnapos;t it self-defeating to tell everyone theyapos;re special?� In effect, that makes everyone average, even if it does raise the bar for whatapos;s considered "average."� But the truth is that calling everyone special from the get-go is more harmful than helpful.� Humility, anyone?� What about being able to manage yourself and your own time, when all your life you have been told where to be and at what time?� The real world hits like a bomb and you fall apart.� You wonapos;t get feedback on everything you do.� Every success is not rewarded with a slap on the butt (damnit).� That doesnapos;t mean youapos;re doing a bad job - donapos;t panic.� I certainly never do.
It worries me that kids are being raised this way.� So many parents resolve the conflicts of their children that the kids grow up and donapos;t have the first clue about how to deal with confrontation.� "Screw you: is not an appropriate answer to someoneapos;s disagreeing with you.� But how many people between the ages of, say, 15 and 26 do you know who can calmly and rationally deal with a disagreement?� That means confront the problem without judging the other person(s) involved, getting to the root of the problem, and either finding a happy compromise or sufficiently explaining your positions so as to assuage the other parties.� "Weapos;re not friends anymore," the cold shoulder, and punching (which generally leads to option #1) are looked at as failures by most psychologists.� And yet...
And yet.
I donapos;t propose any solution more than awareness of the problem, really.� I have always held that if you can recognize the root cause of any given behavior, you can work toward correcting it.� That isnapos;t to say you can necessarily do away with said behavior.� Maybe simply get it under some degree of control.
So maybe those of us who are between the ages of, say, 15 and 32 should watch carefully the way we do and react to things.� Upset that someone isnapos;t getting back to you immediately?� Try an abnormal level of patience and see if it helps.� Be peacefully confrontational - ask questions and explain your point of view.� Itapos;s okay (sometimes even good) to be wrong and itapos;s okay for not everyone to adore you, or even like you for that matter.� If you find yourself feeling so far above average that people all around you are worthy of being laughed at, maybe tell yourself that their mommies probably told them theyapos;re very, very special, too.� Or maybe they werenapos;t told that - either way, itapos;s just what mommy and daddy always said, and nothing more... Special or not, it isnapos;t automatically right.
Except for me, of course.
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